I am half Scottish and proud of it. Although my Father’s antecedents are shrouded in mystery, my maternal Grandparents originated in Edinburgh before heading out to India and then Durban in South Africa.

So it is that I thrill to the sound of bagpipes, shed the odd tear when Flower of Scotland is belted out at rugby matches and long to go back – only for a visit mind you – to those gaunt hills and crags above Glasgow.

The only problem with Scotland is the politics. From that puffed up pratwinkle, Ian Blackford in Westminster to the Poison Dwarf running the SNP, they seem to have got themselves into a bit of a mess. I am not even sure about the Conservative leader, Ruth Someone-or-the-Other across the border. She gave birth a few months ago but she is married to another woman. How?

Now it seems that fifty-two percent of Scots are in favour of having their independence which surely offers Boris Johnson a great opportunity. Give it to them damnit! Let them throw their lot in with Europe. Think of the money it will save the rest of Britain. Yes, they will take their oil with them, but I don’t suppose England, Wales and Northern Ireland benefit much from Scottish oil companies, while the global giants like Shell and BP will doubtless build new refineries to the South and pipe their stocks in there.

The SNP though reckons that economically, Scotland will be fine with Independence. I am not so sure since their public spending is thirty-three percent higher per head than it is in the South East of England. Yet on its website, the party claims that Ireland is independent and is the ‘fourth most prosperous country in the world.’ Quite how they come to that conclusion, I am not sure but as Ireland are likely to suffer most from a no deal Brexit, all will probably change.

And despite my ancestral pride, I have to admit that Scotland contributes little to our daily lives. The military will suffer somewhat as the Jocks make tigerish soldiers and the price of whisky will doubtless go up, which for me would be a tragedy.  However, I can be strong when necessary and will forego my nightly tipple (s) for the sake of stability in this soggy little island.

There is also the advantage that Scotland becoming a foreign country would make it ‘abroad’ and therefore a desirable place for holidays, despite the lack of sunshine. If necessary, bring the border further south and give them a bit more. See how they manage to pay for it all. That would have the added advantage of allowing the Northern constituencies to be governed by the sort of left wing, wetland habitat, save-the-bat and build-more-wind-farms government they seem to enjoy so much.

Above all, it would stop the Poisoned Dwarf making long and rambling speeches about what a disaster Brexit is going to be. They could also take back their MPs like Blackford and England would never again have to suffer under a Scottish prime minister. Blair and Brown were both from north of the border damnit and look what they did between them to this country.

Come on, Boris. They don’t like you or any other English folk so let them do their own thing. The money saved will do wonders for the NHS, the police and everything else.

Mind you, the Poisoned Dwarf did make a fairly telling observation this week. She said that dialogue with Theresa Maybe was appallingly difficult. The said Maybe apparently cannot deviate from the prepared script in her head so that even a complimentary remark about the shoes she was wearing went down like a lead balloon. No wonder the Europeans rang rings around her.

I don’t suppose PD will have the same difficulties with Johnson, although even he fell foul of her at their first meeting, which she described as ‘frosty.’ He stood back to allow her to go in through the front door before him as any man brought up to have good manners would do, but she felt that was ‘condescending’ and probably sexist.

I was brought up in a gentler age I’m afraid. Men gave way to women and showed them every courtesy, but that seems to have gone out of the window in the twenty-first century. I am all for equality between genders, but I will continue to offer my seat to ladies in crowded places and continue to use all the little courtesies, I was brought up to use.

If not, I am likely to receive the odd lightning bolt from the heavens where my proud-to-be-Scottish Mother is hopefully watching over me.