A week or so ago I speculated on which Bunter Johnson would unveil his ‘roadmap’ – why they call it that I do not know – out of lockdown. Would it be the swashbuckling Bunter of old or the bumbling turnip who lectures us so frequently and seems bullied to the end of his tether – whether by the solemn scientists who follow him around or his seemingly every more powerful popsy, La Symonds herself.

Anyway, our Revered Leader dully announced an extension of his January 4 lockdown for several more months and did his best to persuade us all that this miserable news is ‘a great release.’ He must have been on the happy pills if he really believes that we will take that seriously.

Did you notice how often he used the phrase ‘not earlier than’ before the various dates he named? The opposite phrase ‘not later than’ is a tough contractual commitment, but if anyone owed me money and promised in writing to pay me off ‘not earlier than’ any date you cared to name, I would surely be a fool to accept such an empty pledge.

So I am afraid, the misery goes on despite the success of the vaccination roll out. It seems to me that those of us who have done everything we were asked to do – albeit with gritted teeth and a clothes peg over our nose – are being sacrificed for the possibility that there might be unvaccinated people out there. So what? If I am protected against the coronabug and do not have it, then surely, I cannot pass it on – or is this particular bug cleverer than its predecessors and capable of following me around at a distance?

Oh hell, the sun is shining so I shall just get on with life and try not to hear the next bit of solemnly depressing news from Number Ten. Whatever gem of wisdom – wrong phraseology there perhaps – Bunter next comes out with, you can bet your life it won’t be at all encouraging.

Meanwhile Howden Junior School in East Yorkshire replaced house names that honoured historical figures such as Lord Nelson with those of modern liberal campaigners idolised by the woke brigade including Greta Thunberg and Marcus Rashford after one student complained. So Walter Raleigh, Horatio Nelson and Francis Drake have been replaced by the Thunberg child, Rashford and an obscure American poet called Amanda Gorman who I confess I have never heard of. Human rights activist (whatever that means) Malala Yousafzai is also a replacement but for whom, I do not know.

All this because one former pupil complained of white bias and condemned the ‘despicable deeds’ of Nelson, Ralieigh and Drake!

Headteacher Lee Hill who has more tattoos than a Maori warrior or even an England cricketer shared the news on Twitter and commended ‘the courage of the child who made a stand.’

This politically correct turnip wrote: ‘I’m really excited & proud to share this. Not just because of the individuals our School Council chose as representing our community values but because of the courage of one child who made a stand.

‘During the Black Lives Matter protests, I received a passionate and brave email from a former pupil who not only educated me about the history of the three house names that sat on our website, in our hall and were raised as ambassadors for our school, but also explained the impact of seeing these figures – who have links to slavery, oppression and racism – had on her during her time at our school.

‘Not only a brave email to send to a white male in a position of power but also an email that set off a chain of events.’

What gobbledegook this man speaks! His written English is appalling and why is a man who does not know about these icons of British history appointed to what he grandly claims is a ‘position of power’ in the education system?

Hill went on to explain that the school had no ‘tangible reason’ to keep the historical names and that none of the pupils knew who they were as they were not part of the curriculum. Surely, they should have been or is all British history being swept under the carpet by the educational authorities?

I am hugely grateful that my own children and all but one of my grandchildren have completed their schooling and are not subject to the sort of rampant idiocy that is displayed by Mr Hill and his ilk. They are not doing their job and merely revelling in the current crazy backlash against everything white.

History is there for all to see whatever their own ideologies might have it and history cannot be changed. For myself, I am fiercely proud of being a child of the Raj who was brought up in a colonial setting because I know how much good the colonial authorities did. Yes, there were occasional problems, but problems are part of life and these woke snowflakes would do better to face up to the problems and ensure that they never happen again rather than show their delicate sensibilities and ban everything that does not tally with their own narrow points of view.

They make me cross but the antics of Bunter J’s dog do afford some light amusement in these troubled times. It seems that dog experts have concluded that the reason this mutt, Dilyn is still not housetrained and is allegedly weeing on expensive handbags – when not getting rampantly intimate with the furniture or chewing rare books – is because he hasn’t had ‘the snip’ – in other words, his male organs are still working overtime.

Yet there could be another reason for Dilyn misbehaving so badly. How often are we told that dogs take on the characteristics of their owners?

Once again, I can only quote from my friend Mfanasibili Nkosi – ‘Nuff said.’