Earlier this week, an emergency session of the G7 was taking place, wondering how the West could still put pressure on the Taliban. Almost unbelievably Bunter Johnson even waffled about establishing formal diplomatic relations with the new regime in Kabul.

He whittered airily about unfreezing billions of dollars in seized Afghan assets and increasing foreign aid in exchange for the Taliban guaranteeing safe passage to all those who want to leave.

This bumbling buffoon is offering to double Britain’s humanitarian and development aid to two hundred and eighty six million pounds if the Taliban promise not to allow their country to once again become a haven for terrorists targeting the West. He said: ‘We will use every lever we have to help the people of Afghanistan and protect our own country from harm.’

What claptrap this man speaks. Does he even live in the real world I wonder? Right now the Taliban must be shivering in their fancy, American made boots. With the troops out, the West no longer has any leverage dammit.

Do any of these plonkers in London or Washington really believe that the Taliban is desperate for a seat at the UN top table in New York, or an invitation to take afternoon tea with Bunter J at Chequers or even to visit the Houses of Parliament?

Trying to bribe them by offering to double their ruddy pocket money is not going to work. One does not have to be a genius to see that. They have been left tens of billions of dollars worth of U.S. military equipment already by Sleepy Joe Biden. They are armed to the teeth with American weapons, and Afghanistan now has a bigger air force than most NATO countries.

OK, so while there’s still a vague hope that the thousands of American and British citizens and their allies who are still stranded will be allowed to leave, it probably makes sense to flatter the Taliban. To be fair, our ‘revered leader’ is not the first to believe that if you talk to the Taliban nicely, they will behave properly.

Fourteen years ago, shortly after becoming the top dog, Gordon Brown made a flying visit to Afghanistan to be photographed with troops on the ground. (Why are our political leaders always so keen to be pictured with fighting men I wonder?) While he was there, he suggested it might be time to engage in talks with the Taliban. Back then the organisation was considered to be a bunch of terrorist thugs that gave safe haven to Al-Qaeda to launch the 9/11 attacks on America so nothing came of his suggestion but have things now changed?

Of course they have not. The Taliban is still a terrorist organisation. Just as Bob Mugabe and his murdering thugs remained murdering thugs after being given Rhodesia, the Taliban gangsters will not have changed their spots.

Yet it seems that from General Nick Carter down there are plenty of people prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt. These cretins are trying to convince us all that the ‘new’ Taliban is the caring, sharing, cuddly version. The usual useful idiots have fallen for it completely.

Today, its spokesmen are interviewed on television with the kind of reverence normally reserved for the Greta Thunberg or the leaders of potty Scandinavian countries. Journalists who should know better, seem to have abandoned all sense of scepticism and objectivity. Take this nonsensical headline from the once-respected U.S. magazine Newsweek:

‘Seeking World Recognition, Taliban Vows to Help Fight Terror and Climate Change’.

Does nobody grasp the absurdity of a bunch of goat herders dressed up as extras from that wonderful film Carry On Up The Khyber waving their AK47s and burbling on about fighting terrorism and global warming?

Soon we’ll be hearing about the Taliban’s enlightened plans for a congestion charge, bike lanes and low traffic neighbourhoods in Kabul. Perhaps London Mayor Sadiq Khan can travel out there to give them some advice. He has already flattened London so why not add Kabul to his CV?

In fact, enough of my cynicism. Let us all celebrate the new Green Taliban, probably twinned with Extinction Rebellion. After all, it seems obvious that they only closed the airport to cut greenhouse gases, not stop anyone escaping. Hopefully they will soon be drumming and dancing and chaining themselves to pink yachts outside the abandoned American Embassy.

Bunter talks a good game – or thinks he does – but without any real leverage left, he is just another bumbling turnip trying to please people and be popular. I am quite surprised that he has not already invited the Taliban to take part in the upcoming climate summit in Glasgow. Can’t you just see him posing for photographs with Wee Widow Kranky Dopey Joe Biden and one of the mad mullahs.

After all, in the war on global warming the British Government has already taken its lead from Kabul and is hell-bent on dragging the economy back into the Stone Age. So the Afghans could well be considered pioneers by the save the world lot. Never mind ISIS-K, stand by for ISIS-XR.

The way things are going it can only be a matter of time before these goat herding thugs and murderers are jointly nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Meanwhile in London with knife crime going through the roof and XR exhibitionists causing chaos, the Metropolitan Plod are considering introducing gender-neutral uniforms.

Different outfits for men and women are said to discriminate against trans and non-binary officers. Do such people really join the police? I suppose they must do since modern coppers seem to spend half their time wearing high-heels, painting their nails and swanning around in rainbow-coloured cars but surely it is time to consider changing the entire ethos of modern coppering and not just the uniform.

I think it was the Russian novelist Dostoevsky who once said: 

“Tolerance will reach such a level that intelligent people will be banned from thinking so as not to offend the imbeciles.”

Considering that Dostoevsky lived from 1821 – 1881 it appears that not much has changed, other than perhaps the proportion of the one versus the other.